Far away from home

Friday. Again. Yeah well it is both a curse and a blessing. Time to have few days off from work. Six weeks back and 18 ahead. 18 weeks to train and improve. The other side, 18 weeks to feel the loneliness of being away from everything.


A friend from Finland told me few days ago a good motto to follow up in life. "My home is where my heart resides. And I carry my heart with me all the time." Such you are never away from home. Your home might still be deserted from all that you are used to.

And there is a reason for everything, so even for this mental solitude of mine, there is a lesson to be learned. There is that fine line of enjoying everything, even the feeling of being sad and by that enjoying life more thoroughly. The good and the bad, the highs and the lows. Some days you're flying through the day with the unstoppable flow of life and the other days you're crawling in that mud and mist right by your feet. If you wish to jump over all the shit and see what's important, the daily routine just jump to the underlined text.

I enjoy the training here. I enjoy the work I'm doing. But I both hate and love the time I spend doing nothing. Cause it just reminds me of all the things that are not here. The difference that might be unseen to many people reading this is, to see it through my eyes. (Remember now I realize how lucky I am to be having all I have now. I'm living here with a family who has taken me part of their family, and I could never pay back all the things they've done for me. Maybe the only way would be to do the same whenever I'm older and capable of supporting someone I don't know but who I believe in from outside of my family. Allowing the good to move on.)

I'm healthy and ready to everyday work towards reaching my dreams. But I have always been one of those people, to be around other people and running around. Or then being completely secluded, either or the extremes are always the easiest to handle. But about looking it from my point of view. Leave where ever you live. Travel to the other side of the world. Start working. If you're an au'pair or an exchange student you're still far from home. But you're doing it to meet new people, to experience new things. If you're doing team sports you meet your team mates every day. You're surrounded by people. If you're training in an academy even if it's an individual sport, you're still seeing other athletes. Go somewhere where no one understands your language. Everything is different, nothings the same. Then be alone, and see how long you can keep your head together.
What am I doing? Waking up at six, going to work by seven, leaving work at four, one hour drive to training in traffic, training from five to eight or 8.30, driving 45min back to the house(I live 58km from the training places), dinner and bed by ten. Repeat. Social? Yeah what's that.

I always love to tell people who complain about their lives to do something about it. If you wish to be less lonely go meet other people, and for any other thing just take control of your life and do work on that matter. I really don't have options, the training is so hard I can't go out and meet other people, especially in Wisconsin where it's always about that God damn drinking. So as much as I'm secluding myself, my choices are doing it to me. I have my family and friends back home but the time difference makes it tough except on weekends.

So, I'm an adventurer, this is what I wanted. I enjoy my choices that I have made. Accordingly I suffer from those choices. Try to live your life so that you don't have to dream about being away all the time, because if you would go away for good, you'd regret it. Mark my words. 18 weeks and I'm done.
If you wish to judge me about complaining, remember that I'm complaining about being lonely and not about anything else.

This post was meant to take a weight from my chest. As a Finnish sport psychology said in a blog post yesterday that I read. Human mind already has all the methods to survive through daily stress and struggle. You don't need a psychology or a psychiatrist to get through that, to get through loneliness. After this flood I suspect that I will recover back to normal and be happy about all, forgetting this for a while, until it might come back.

The picture above is from a drive I got to do at work. They were burning the grass going along the road to prevent wild fires during summer, what causes those fires? Dryness and nature? Well maybe a lightning. But most often, they are caused by humans throwing cigarettes from car window... Lucky they don't have to do that back home yet.

Smile, that's what I do even when feeling as crappy as now.

I heard Finland won Russia today, I guess the guys are beginning to play well as a team. Hope I can catch a game this weekend!